Why you gotta be that guy?

I am sitting in the lobby of the Lexus Dealership while my oil is being changed and all the people here make me mad. I resent how easy, clean and simple their lives seem. How is it that I ended up driving a Lexus? I am NOT that guy. You know, the schmoozing POS that gets everything for free because he is a dick so he has extra cash that he could give to charity but he buys a Lexus instead. OR the trophy wife who gets to stay home and baby sit the "nanny" between yoga classes and meetings at the coffee shop while her high powered entrepreneurial husband flies all over the country telling other people how to have the same. OR the workingwoman with no kids and thus few expenses who can leave work when she wants and sit in the Lexus dealership while they serve you snacks as you wait for your car. My friend Elaine calls these people, "The clean people".

The tragedy of it all is. I am that guy. When did I become that guy? I am a watered down version but still, that guy. I need to take a paragraph to defend my honor. I bought my Lexus under duress. I felt like I needed a car that more than dog and husman could fit in and that by expanding my backseat, I might get me some friends. I drove EVERY car that fit my specifications. I just wanted a car that I didn't have to worry about. My Beetle, as fun as it was, caused me great stress. When I drove all those other cars I expected them to drive like the Bug. When they didn't, I wanted them to at least have the same features (you know the leather heated seats and power windows, sun roof, charm). Now, I wanted something bigger. What the hell did I think I was going to get? I couldn't bring myself to spend the money to buy the car I wanted. So, went to my good friends at LA Auto (in Orem. Why is it called LA Auto?) And they offered me full blue book for my beetle if I would take this Lexus. So I did. Don't get me wrong; I enjoy the things you are supposed to enjoy about driving a luxury car. The only problem is that I have aged 15 years while driving it. I keep the rocket box on top to mute the stuffiness and accentuate the sporty but short of taking the revealing "L" off the front, you can't really hide its true self. As it approaches it's 9th birthday the years are starting to show and we are once again in the market for a car. I am going to put my bid in again for the Element so I can stop being that guy and become the other guy.