New York, we are breaking up

As I prepare to push the "post" button I feel uneasy with what I have written here. I am afraid what I have to say may offend some who have deep sensibilities regarding the subject matter. Do not be offended, friends. You don't have to break up, just don't ask me to double date.

On to the post!

Sitting in Mustang Harry's on 7th Ave between 29th & 30th in NYC, I contemplated what I am about to do. I have do not take these actions lightly but in this unfriendly, crowded bar that I am announcing my break-up with New York City.

I have never understood anyone feeling compelled to move to the city but I certainly understand growing to love it, once it has been thrust upon you. After you are here, you have no choice but to learn and develop a love for its special features. That is the only option you have to survive the life that this little island has to offer.

There is an earlier post recounting how profoundly I was struck by the kindness of the natives during the crisis days following 9/11. I witnessed a cloud of compassion that had fallen upon the people of the city that was tangible in all of the mundane activities of the day. That time will stay filed in my memory as one of the most poignant times in my life.

Well, I don't know what the hell happened but any semblance of that overarching humanitarian compassion has been buried and forgotten. Manhattan is back to the place it was when I first came here and I do not like it. Tell this to someone who lives here and they will deny it but I bare witness and standby the statement that New York is back to normal and what an unfortunate thing.

When I decided to make the trip out here for this week, I was excited to be caught up in the movement of the city and trot at the speed I feel business should move. What I had forgotten is that with that speed, there is no time to acknowledge the other humans that dwell among the honking cabs, filthy streets and overpriced food. Anonymity reigns, and it is not my cup of tea.

Before I get too far, I should acknowledge my admiration for those who stick it out. I would certainly never challenge a person's reasoning for staying. I have been tempted because I know this is the island where dreams can come true. I just need to ask, what is the price? I have come to terms with the fact that, like the rent, the price is too high for me.

Have I become soft? Yes (and my butt certainly shows it), but for the first time in 10 years, I am happy to say I don't believe my softening or the change in me, is something to be apologetic for. I chose not to stay and I stand proudly by that decision.

After 10 years of wondering if I had done the right thing, I am finally free of the fear that I passed up an opportunity to live my New York dream. Free of the fear I was losing my edge, becoming soft and had chosen the wrong life path.

For someone who is prone to anger, living in a city as charged as NY would easily have lead to self destruction, detachment from humanity and my tendency toward negativity would be magnified.

I don't know that I am in the right place professionally and I cannot discount the reward for the sacrifices it takes to live and work in New York. But, I do know that what I chose was right.

So, goodbye New York. It was a love affair I will not soon forget but in the light of the morning, with the perspective of age, your cracks are beginning to show.

Cheers to the west. Cheers to the provincial dialect where few "t's" are spoken, the wide streets and businesses closed on Sunday. Cheers to my family, my garden, my chickens and my friends. Cheers to my car and our boat and to Buddy who would never liked it in New York anyway.