Each year my feelings about the state of our family morph a little but it is still a day or profound sadness and deep anger.
For the past 6 years I have walked around being quietly devastated, wanting desperately to wear a little card pinned to my shirt explaining the reason I am so close to tears. Why even the simplest tasks seem unmanageable and unimportant. I have no expectation for others to understand or be able to help, I just need a little extra gentler touch.
June 18th this year was different. Instead of dreading the day, I was able to look forward to the birth of Adrian's 2nd baby, Berkley. It tore me apart a little that I couldn't be at the birth but life is full of tough choices and it was one I had to make.
I was glued to my phone all day waiting for any news (I was really curious how traumatic Heather and Amy really thought the whole thing was and if I was capable of pulling off the same kind of miracle. Turns out, they don't think I am going to handle it as well. Big surprise.)
Berkley arrived, safe and small. So little this new person, is there even room for all of her parts in that tiny little body?
It is times like this, I have to believe that those who have left us are busy coaching and caring for the little people who will come to join our families.
What a priceless opportunity to learn to celebrate June 18th. A day that has been all about loss can now be a day of celebration, honoring the generations.
Welcome, Berkley.
Love and miss you, mom.
